New Years Eve

What can I say about NYE? This is a holiday that is supposed to be full of hope and joy for the future. And while I certainly do have hope for the future (it can really only get better, right? Right?!) today, my heart is heavy and full of sorrow. I am finding it hard to find the joy in this day. That is because a year ago today, I was 9 weeks pregnant with twins. I had a lot of hope and joy for the future, until it was all ripped away from me.

A year ago today, I was brutally raped and beaten. As a consequence of this incident, I lost my babies. That is a moment I would give anything to go back and erase. I would do anything in my power to go back in time and change so many actions that led me to that moment. Unfortunately, that is not how life works. There is no "rewind" button, no going back to fix your mistakes. I only have the here and now.

So, with that in mind, today my mantra is "today I am alive and I am moving forward". Yes, it still hurts, sometimes so much. Sometimes it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest still beating. But, I don't have any choice but to get up, and put one foot in front of the other. I have no choice but to move forward.

In memory of my two little angels. I still miss you every day.

Winter Break=Laziness!

So I love "breaks" from school. I always have. In middle and high school, breaks were sacred to me. Breaks meant NO homework, NO going to bed early, and basically NO doing of anything of any importance at all.

That being said, adult "breaks" from school are quite a bit different. Adult breaks from school still involve doing homework, going to work 5 days a week for 8 hours a day (so no staying up late), and finishing projects around the house (so no being lazy). It SUCKS.

Currently, I'm enjoying (well, trying to enjoy) the last few precious days of winter break. I've had to work all this past week (okay, not quite true, I did have Christmas day, and Wednesday off and I DID call in sick yesterday) so I haven't done ANY homework. Right now, I should be doing said homework before work, but all I'm doing is surfing The Bump and writing here. I feel like such a lazy slob! I mean, come on, I'm still in my PJs. Ridiculous.

Okay...I'm done ranting (venting?). I'm off to pretend I'm doing my homework now!

Ahem...Is this thing on?

So...blogging? Here I am! Forgive me in advance if this blog is boring, or if it follows no obvious train of thought. It's mostly just going to be me rambling...So don't say I didn't warn you.

Now that we've got that PSA out of the way, I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Ruthie, I'm 23 and I live in California. I'm engaged (yay me!) with plans to marry my wonderful husband-to-be in the vague future. We've set a date, but we aren't solid on it. We have an awesome dog named Betty who was just mine when we met but now is "ours" (cue the cheesy music!) I go to school and work full time so don't expect me to be super dedicated but I feel like I have a lot to share so here I am to share it.

I think I covered the basics so I'll leave it at that for now...til next time!