What can I say about NYE? This is a holiday that is supposed to be full of hope and joy for the future. And while I certainly do have hope for the future (it can really only get better, right? Right?!) today, my heart is heavy and full of sorrow. I am finding it hard to find the joy in this day. That is because a year ago today, I was 9 weeks pregnant with twins. I had a lot of hope and joy for the future, until it was all ripped away from me.
A year ago today, I was brutally raped and beaten. As a consequence of this incident, I lost my babies. That is a moment I would give anything to go back and erase. I would do anything in my power to go back in time and change so many actions that led me to that moment. Unfortunately, that is not how life works. There is no "rewind" button, no going back to fix your mistakes. I only have the here and now.
So, with that in mind, today my mantra is "today I am alive and I am moving forward". Yes, it still hurts, sometimes so much. Sometimes it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest still beating. But, I don't have any choice but to get up, and put one foot in front of the other. I have no choice but to move forward.
In memory of my two little angels. I still miss you every day.
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