Lonely

I'm tired of feeling so fucking lonely. Why don't I have any friends? 

Mother's Day

Here we are, again. I know it only comes once a year, but honestly, I dread it. I dreaded it last year, and it should have been so joyful for me. But of course, my first Mother's Day with a baby in my arms was shadowed by the death of my mother. There was this huge, gaping hole in the day where she should have been, and that hole has not gone away. In fact, the hole has expanded, without my Nana. 

 Honestly, I like to pretend that I am a strong, capable woman. And sometimes, I truly believe it. Then days like today come around, and even though I know that it's coming, it still breaks me. I still feel like my heart is crumbling into a thousand tiny pieces, and there is nothing that I can do to put it back together. It has been a day.

I know that one day I will take joy in Mother's Day. But today is not that day. Today, I am still raw, and broken, and grieving both my mom and my Nana. And that doesn't make me weak, or stupid, or anything else. It simply makes me human.

1st Birthday Pressure

So, as you may know (but probably don't) my daughter has a 1st birthday coming up here in a few months. On October 9th, 2013 it will be a year since she has come into our lives. So, naturally, various people started asking me about the "big one" about 3 months ago. Figuring I had plenty of time, and knowing that I want to throw a low key, close family type of bash, I laughed it off. And I continued to put if off until just now. Now, with less than 2 full months before the party, I'm panicking. With the rise of Pintrest, and hearing (reading?) about the collective grand plans on various blogs and thebump.com, I'm starting to feel like my humble little party just won't cut it.

So I'm making the invitations. And a banner. Oh, and little thank you tags to add to the favors. I'm suddenly putting a ton of pressure on myself where there was none before. It's all making me think, "will it be good enough? Will I be good enough?" And I know rationally that I'm just putting pressure on myself. I'm sure that no matter what we do for her birthday, Cora will love it. I just can't shake the feeling that it won't be ENOUGH.

There was really no point to this post. Just throwing some of my bad feelings about myself out to the interwebz to hopefully get it out of my system and off of my mind.

Long time no see

Hi. So, I suck at blogging. You may have noticed that. I did warn you from the beginning, though!

A quick rundown on what's been going down in the Norry household the past few (several?) months:

1. Work. Enjoying work, being annoyed at work, and enjoying it again.
2. Mr. Norry got promoted. YAY to more money and more responsibility (not to mention the respect factor).
3. Ms. Cora is 10 MONTHS OLD. How the eff did that happen, and where is my baby?! She's now crawling everywhere, says, "dada", "mama", uh oh". Oh, and she has 2 1/2 teeth. You go girl!
4. Trying to lose this baby weight and get fit. I've been doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD, and I'm about to start "Ripped in 30".
5. Dreading the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death coming up in November.

Not much else has been going down with us. I did start therapy last week. I've only done one session so I can't yet speak to how it helps/doesn't help me. But I sure as hell am looking forward to finding out.

I promise to come around more than once every 6 months. Life with a baby is just crazy! 

I got a job!

And not just any old job, a job that can easily turn into a career, doing something that I love, with people who respect me. Oh, and benefits, and sick leave, etc, etc. Bye bye, service industry! Hello, medical field!

Finally some good is happening to our family...'bout time, too. I was about to lose it.

One month old

Where has the time gone?! I cannot believe that a month ago today, I was in the hospital in labor. I can't believe that my baby is already a month old today! I can already see changes in how she looks and see changes in her personality. She's more alert and awake now (and NOT always crying while awake, yay!). She also smiles in her sleep more. I can't wait until we get a real, genuine social smile. I'm holding out for it! Here is my beautiful girl as of yesterday:

Dear Santa:

If I were going to send Santa a Christmas wishlist, or a letter, it would read something like this:

Dear Santy-Clause,

All I want for Christmas is a full night of sleep. Just one night of glorious, uninterrupted, sleep. I don't want a new Coach purse, or boots, or new clothes. Just sleep.

Well, I'd also like to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans again. Preferably before Christmas Day. Can you make that happen?

Thanks!
One exhausted, chubby mama

Gawd, I'm exhausted. My kid decided she only wanted to sleep from 1:30 am-2:15 am last night. What the shit is that about?!! Now, I'm walking around (okay, sitting on my couch) like a zombie, and she's snoozing away. Oh, and that advice they give you to "sleep when the baby sleeps, nap when the baby naps"? Complete bullshit. I just can't turn my brain off. Bullshit, I tell ya.

/rant over.

Pumpkin Patch

Finally, it's my favorite time of year. I love, love, LOVE the time between Halloween and New Year's. I love each of the holidays, the food, the weather, and especially the fun activities!

I am doubly excited this year, because I have an adorable little cuddly baby to share everything with. Granted, she has no idea what the hell is going on at any given time, but it's fun (for me at least!).

So, last weekend we decided to take C to the pumpkin patch in Clayton. We went with my in laws, who were nice enough to man the camera while M and I posed awkwardly in front of pumpkins and giant pumpkin cut-outs. We had a pretty awesome time, if I do say so myself. Bonus? C was an angel who slept through everything, even lunch afterward.

Aforementioned giant pumpkin cut-out:

 The fruits of our labor:

What C did during said pumpkin carving:

Welcome Cora Grace :)

Sorry it's been so long! I know you are all dying to know where I've been...Well, I've been having a baby! I won't bore you with the details, the story gets quite long winded, but Cora Grace entered the world on October 9th, 2012 at 7:20 pm. She weighed 6lbs, 2oz and was 19 inches long. She is pure baby perfection. I never thought I could feel so much love for such a little person, but there it is. Everything is going well so far, she eats, sleeps and poops, lol, so we're right on track. We couldn't be happier. 

 Now, for the goods:

Is this thing (still) on?

WOW! It's been a long time. I'm kind of ashamed to even be writing this post because it's been 7 months (7 months!) since I've written in this blog. I know, I kind of suck at blogging. I can accept that. But in my defense...life has been so crazy! So much has been going on lately...Where do I start? In the last seven months I have:

1. Moved
2. Gotten married
3. Graduated
4. Been hugely pregnant
5. Worked my butt off

!!! Between getting ready for this baby, getting settled in our new home, getting married, and working, I've been BEAT! I never thought I could feel soverytired in my life...and I know the best of that is to come, in a about 4 weeks!

I'm gonna have a baby in 4 weeks. EEK. I never thought I'd be saying (er, typing) that. It feels insane. But I'm so happy, and I wouldn't change anything. And now...Some pictures!

Emotions

I hate emotions! Can I just say that out loud for a minute? I feel like it's taboo to admit that. My emotions have been everywhere this week, and I can't handle it. I'm so, so tired of not understanding why I'm all of the sudden mad, or crying. I want to be able to take a break, I want to shut off my emotions. I'm tired, I'm so tired.


Can I take a break from being me for a little while? Pretty please?
No? Okay.

Rant over.