Lonely

I'm tired of feeling so fucking lonely. Why don't I have any friends? 

Father's Day

Another bittersweet day for me. I'm so happy I have a wonderful husband who is a great hands-on father to our little girl. And I am very thankful to have a father in law who loves out daughter with his whole heart. 

But I do miss my papa something fierce. 

And this year, I'm also sad because of the rift I'm finding Jb my relationship with an uncle that I used to be so close to. I'm not used to mourning the loss of a relationship with a person who is still living. I'm my sure I know how to deal with that. For now, I'm just going to hold onto hope that one day we will be able to mend our relationship so he can be a part of C's life as she grows up. 

Happy Father's Day to all of the dads out there!

Three Day Weekend

Today is my Friday. Tomorrow, I will be celebrating my two year anniversary with Mr. Norry (actual anni is 6/8). I am so, so excited to spend some time, BABY FREE, with my husband! 

I am excited to sleep in, and eat breakfast slowly, and drink my coffee while it's still hot. I am ridiculously excited to go to a restaurant without having to wrestle my toddler, or keep her entertained during the inevitably long wait. I am over the moon excited to watch a movie in an actual movie theater. 

Sometimes I think that normal people do not get so excited over these types of things. 

Then again, I never claimed to be normal. 

Happy Weekend! 

Family

Very recently I've had the chance to examine what family is. I always thought all I needed was my mom. She was the strongest, most independent woman that I had ever met. All my life, she did everything it took to take care of me, take care of us. And I just knew that when she died, I would die too. I would just lay down and give up. 

And then she died. My world was torn apart. 

But I didn't. I didn't die because I have my own daughter to take care of. And even though some days I think I WANT to die, I can't. I have to be the best mother I can, I have to give my daughter the gift that my mom gave me: love, independence, security. I have to be that person who will always be there for her no matter what. 

This is a hard road. It's cold, and often lonely. But I know my mom would want me to keep going, keep pushing forward. For her. For me. For Cora. 

Mother's Day

Here we are, again. I know it only comes once a year, but honestly, I dread it. I dreaded it last year, and it should have been so joyful for me. But of course, my first Mother's Day with a baby in my arms was shadowed by the death of my mother. There was this huge, gaping hole in the day where she should have been, and that hole has not gone away. In fact, the hole has expanded, without my Nana. 

 Honestly, I like to pretend that I am a strong, capable woman. And sometimes, I truly believe it. Then days like today come around, and even though I know that it's coming, it still breaks me. I still feel like my heart is crumbling into a thousand tiny pieces, and there is nothing that I can do to put it back together. It has been a day.

I know that one day I will take joy in Mother's Day. But today is not that day. Today, I am still raw, and broken, and grieving both my mom and my Nana. And that doesn't make me weak, or stupid, or anything else. It simply makes me human.

1st Birthday Pressure

So, as you may know (but probably don't) my daughter has a 1st birthday coming up here in a few months. On October 9th, 2013 it will be a year since she has come into our lives. So, naturally, various people started asking me about the "big one" about 3 months ago. Figuring I had plenty of time, and knowing that I want to throw a low key, close family type of bash, I laughed it off. And I continued to put if off until just now. Now, with less than 2 full months before the party, I'm panicking. With the rise of Pintrest, and hearing (reading?) about the collective grand plans on various blogs and thebump.com, I'm starting to feel like my humble little party just won't cut it.

So I'm making the invitations. And a banner. Oh, and little thank you tags to add to the favors. I'm suddenly putting a ton of pressure on myself where there was none before. It's all making me think, "will it be good enough? Will I be good enough?" And I know rationally that I'm just putting pressure on myself. I'm sure that no matter what we do for her birthday, Cora will love it. I just can't shake the feeling that it won't be ENOUGH.

There was really no point to this post. Just throwing some of my bad feelings about myself out to the interwebz to hopefully get it out of my system and off of my mind.

Long time no see

Hi. So, I suck at blogging. You may have noticed that. I did warn you from the beginning, though!

A quick rundown on what's been going down in the Norry household the past few (several?) months:

1. Work. Enjoying work, being annoyed at work, and enjoying it again.
2. Mr. Norry got promoted. YAY to more money and more responsibility (not to mention the respect factor).
3. Ms. Cora is 10 MONTHS OLD. How the eff did that happen, and where is my baby?! She's now crawling everywhere, says, "dada", "mama", uh oh". Oh, and she has 2 1/2 teeth. You go girl!
4. Trying to lose this baby weight and get fit. I've been doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD, and I'm about to start "Ripped in 30".
5. Dreading the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death coming up in November.

Not much else has been going down with us. I did start therapy last week. I've only done one session so I can't yet speak to how it helps/doesn't help me. But I sure as hell am looking forward to finding out.

I promise to come around more than once every 6 months. Life with a baby is just crazy! 

Nerves

I've got a bad case of the nerves on the eve of starting my new job. Logically, I KNOW I'll do fine. I KNOW that Cora will get used to being away from me and will be fine. I KNOW it will be good for both of us in the end. Logically. But, my mom brain is not logical. And I'm nervous!

I won't lie, I'm excited, too. It's gonna be nice to have adult conversations (not to mention earning money, that's nice too). But, but, my baby! I'm gonna miss my baby like crazy. I hope she misses me less than I miss her. I hope it's a good first day for all!

I got a job!

And not just any old job, a job that can easily turn into a career, doing something that I love, with people who respect me. Oh, and benefits, and sick leave, etc, etc. Bye bye, service industry! Hello, medical field!

Finally some good is happening to our family...'bout time, too. I was about to lose it.

Ah, New Years Eve, we meet again

Well, here we are. Another year is coming to a close. And what a year it's been. 2012 has been such a bittersweet year. There are some things I would change, if it were up to me. The first, obviously, would be the loss of my mother. My mother passed away on November 30th of this year. It has changed my life forever. I will never be the same person, and although it's already been a whole month, I feel like I'm still in disbelief. It hurts every minute of every day. Even though I lost my father when I was 16, the loss of my mom is a whole different animal. I can't imagine the pain ever fading, but I know it will, someday. And still, I push on. I push on because I have this beautiful little girl to take care of, the one thing I would definitely NOT change about 2012, the birth of Cora. She has changed my life (already!) in ways that I never could have predicted or imagined. I love her so much.

There's not much else to say. Good things happened this year, I got married, moved into a house, and had my baby girl. But we had our share of struggles, and I would be lying if I tried to say I wasn't happy that 2012 was ending. I'm ready, as I always am on NYE, to move forward. I'm ready to put the pain of the past and the bad memories behind me, if possible.

Bring it on 2013. We're ready for you. Things can only get better from here!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Warning: this may be sappy. Deal with it.

Today is Thanksgiving and I have much to be thankful for this year. For one, I am thankful for my wonderful husband who has (so far) stood by my crazy ass through everything. I am also incredibly thankful for my family, but especially my mom who is not only a huge help but so supportive of every choice we make. I'm happy and thankful that we live in a house even if we rent, and we now have space for our dog to run and we live in a much quieter neighborhood now. Last but definitely not least, I'm thankful for my gorgeous, sweet baby girl, who we waited so long for. She was definitely worth the wait!

So, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there in the interwebz! May your day be happy and full of family (if you like 'em), friends (if you've got 'em), food and fun!

I leave you with a picture, because, why not?

Seriously, Bump?

I cannot believe that The Bump decided to do it's maintenance NOW. Don't they know that I'm up with a newborn baby and I need entertainment?!

I guess I'll go read a book or sumshit.

/endrant. 

One month old

Where has the time gone?! I cannot believe that a month ago today, I was in the hospital in labor. I can't believe that my baby is already a month old today! I can already see changes in how she looks and see changes in her personality. She's more alert and awake now (and NOT always crying while awake, yay!). She also smiles in her sleep more. I can't wait until we get a real, genuine social smile. I'm holding out for it! Here is my beautiful girl as of yesterday:

Dear Santa:

If I were going to send Santa a Christmas wishlist, or a letter, it would read something like this:

Dear Santy-Clause,

All I want for Christmas is a full night of sleep. Just one night of glorious, uninterrupted, sleep. I don't want a new Coach purse, or boots, or new clothes. Just sleep.

Well, I'd also like to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans again. Preferably before Christmas Day. Can you make that happen?

Thanks!
One exhausted, chubby mama

Gawd, I'm exhausted. My kid decided she only wanted to sleep from 1:30 am-2:15 am last night. What the shit is that about?!! Now, I'm walking around (okay, sitting on my couch) like a zombie, and she's snoozing away. Oh, and that advice they give you to "sleep when the baby sleeps, nap when the baby naps"? Complete bullshit. I just can't turn my brain off. Bullshit, I tell ya.

/rant over.

Halloween

So, we survived our first Halloween as a family of three. And really, how bad could it have been with a three week old? She slept most of the evening away, in her adorable skeleton sleeper. I mean, who can resist this?:

It was a chill night. We hung out, I made caramel apples and hot apple cider, and Matt cooked a roast on the grill (YUM!). My mom and cousin Sandra came to hang out and watch "Monster House" with us. Unfortunately (fortunately?) we didn't get any trick or treaters. Not ONE! I have to say, I was disappointed. For some reason, I was really looking forward to handing out candy. In my mind, that makes us 'real' grown ups (because, being married and having a baby doesn't count, lol. It's all about passing out Halloween candy!) Oh well, maybe next year.
All in all, it was a pretty good night! And hey, at least I got some cute pictures out of it!

Matt, Cora and I:
His pumpkin was a zombie crawling out of the grave or something, mine was two pumpkins stacked on top of each other, and C's was a baby jack o' lantern. 

C and her side-kick, Betty:
They matched! We found the dog costume at Target, and the skeleton sleeper at Carter's.

The way I hoped to end my night:
She stayed this way for approximately...10 minutes. And then? She woke up and screamed for about 3 hours. Fun stuff!

Pumpkin Patch

Finally, it's my favorite time of year. I love, love, LOVE the time between Halloween and New Year's. I love each of the holidays, the food, the weather, and especially the fun activities!

I am doubly excited this year, because I have an adorable little cuddly baby to share everything with. Granted, she has no idea what the hell is going on at any given time, but it's fun (for me at least!).

So, last weekend we decided to take C to the pumpkin patch in Clayton. We went with my in laws, who were nice enough to man the camera while M and I posed awkwardly in front of pumpkins and giant pumpkin cut-outs. We had a pretty awesome time, if I do say so myself. Bonus? C was an angel who slept through everything, even lunch afterward.

Aforementioned giant pumpkin cut-out:

 The fruits of our labor:

What C did during said pumpkin carving:

Welcome Cora Grace :)

Sorry it's been so long! I know you are all dying to know where I've been...Well, I've been having a baby! I won't bore you with the details, the story gets quite long winded, but Cora Grace entered the world on October 9th, 2012 at 7:20 pm. She weighed 6lbs, 2oz and was 19 inches long. She is pure baby perfection. I never thought I could feel so much love for such a little person, but there it is. Everything is going well so far, she eats, sleeps and poops, lol, so we're right on track. We couldn't be happier. 

 Now, for the goods:

This isn't funny anymore.

Dear Baby,

Please come out now. I'd really like the ability to roll over without huffing and puffing, stand up without grunting, and pee without having to lean forward to "get it all out".

With love,
Your exhausted mom to be

Baby Watch 2012 has begun...

Seriously. I'm only 36 weeks, and already I have daily texts of "did you have that baby yet?!"
...No, and thank you for reminding me that I'm still uncomfortably pregnant! I'm not even term yet, people.

This could get old, fast.

Is this thing (still) on?

WOW! It's been a long time. I'm kind of ashamed to even be writing this post because it's been 7 months (7 months!) since I've written in this blog. I know, I kind of suck at blogging. I can accept that. But in my defense...life has been so crazy! So much has been going on lately...Where do I start? In the last seven months I have:

1. Moved
2. Gotten married
3. Graduated
4. Been hugely pregnant
5. Worked my butt off

!!! Between getting ready for this baby, getting settled in our new home, getting married, and working, I've been BEAT! I never thought I could feel soverytired in my life...and I know the best of that is to come, in a about 4 weeks!

I'm gonna have a baby in 4 weeks. EEK. I never thought I'd be saying (er, typing) that. It feels insane. But I'm so happy, and I wouldn't change anything. And now...Some pictures!